Zach Efron And Me

Do you ever play what if I had done A instead of B? You know, where you imagine what could have possibly happened if you had taken a pivotal moment in your life and made another choice. Probably most of us have, unless you're Oprah or some other higher evolved celebrity who "never regrets their choices in life". I used to do it a lot, back when I was broke. I would imagine my life if I hadn't gotten knocked up in high school. What would happen if I was 18 again? Would I be in college instead scrubbing hospital floors? What would I have studied? Who would my friends be? Would I have gone to University of Arizona or Washington State (all schools I was accepted into)?

I know that movies and books like to tell us if we changed our choices, we wouldn't have the things we love in our life. Like my kids, I wouldn't have had them. But in those days, when I had a total of 3 plates in my cupboard that didn't match...When I had top ramen and macaroni & cheese for the dinner every night...When I was wondering how much money I had for the bus and maybe I was gonna have to walk my daughter to day care (which meant carrying the 2 year old most of the way)...life seemed so hard and a good daydream was something to take my mind off of it. In fact, my daydreams were a kind of coping. I started doing that in high school, on the long walk to and from school each day. I would day dream myself out of my shitty life of poverty.

These days I'm stuck in that movie/book situation that leaves me without daydreams. My life worked out and if I daydream not getting pregnant in high school I end up without a husband, two kids, a stepson and this home. Anything could happen. When I was younger, that anything was what was exciting. I could have done ANYTHING. Now that kind of daydream seems scary. Not because of the possibility, but the fact that I would be without the most important people in my life. In fact, anytime I have entertained that kind of daydream, I only end up trying to imagine how I would meet my husband and recreate this life. So I give up.

Look at me. I'm the kind of person who gets what she wants in life and turns that into a complaint. I'm totally psychologically healthy as you can see.

Life can be hard now though, as I am sure you have heard me whine. But I don't have my favorite coping skill to rely on. And I notice it leaves me restless and frustrated. I never really learned a new kind of coping. Well, unless you count blogging. I guess that's why I keep doing it.

What do you do to relieve stress and cope?

No Kids = Dorks

The husband and I dropped the kids off at THAT MOVIE that we didn't really want to see, and found ourselves alone yesterday. And alone meant unplanned date! We ate at Chang's Thai food in Monrovia and walked along the shops on Myrtle Ave. And wasted space on memory card, which is one of the great reasons for digital cameras. We talked about things like work and school and actually doing something with all these pictures I take (Christmas presents? Frame them and sell them on etsy?). Sometimes I think it would be so great to have a kind of job where all I do is create things. Really though, I don't have time for any new projects. But it was great to spend time just enjoying his company.

All we ate were appetizers. I like the food here because I have a love affair with curry. And their curry is just the right amount of spicy. We got the spring rolls, curried vegetable dumplings (SO GOOD!), Crab Rangoon, and salad wraps with peanut sauce. Yum. And look! I was wearing a sweater. Yay colder weather!

Chang's Thai Bistro
614 S Myrtle Ave, Monrovia

Pep Talk

This week I've been so tired. I was so busy all week and REALLY sick of this quarter of school. I am thinking German was not my best choice. I never ended up dropping it. But everyday I can barely get through all of my classes. I start at 9:50 and go until 3:10 with no break for lunch. I usually eat in my classes, so by 3 I am hating my desk, my teacher, and anyone else around me. And I have been feeling all kinds of sorry for myself. I am soooo busy, I have sooooo much to do.

And then I went to work on Monday.

Here's where you're thinking I am going to give you a CANCER story to remind us of what really matters in life. But I won't. Because sometimes my work is hard, or sad, and sometimes it does help me appreciate my life. But sometimes, it's a job.

Instead, I'll tell you about a resident I was working with. He's a second year resident (which means he graduated high school, did his 4 years of college, then 4 years of medical school and in now in his second year of residency-yeah 10 years of learnin) who is doing a month of oncology. Every month we get two new residents and harass them and make sure they don't mess up. Actually most of them are pretty good. This guy, we'll call him Dr. B, is a good resident. And we were sitting around doing the whole what do you wanna be when you grow up thing, meaning what kind of Doctor does he want to be. He said he was going to be a primary care physician. And I was all, Yay, because there is a whole shortage in primary care (they get paid less than specialists). And I suggested he would like to join Doctors Without Borders, because I was projecting and that's what I want to do. His response: Funny you should mention that....

He got online and showed me this nonprofit he helped start in medical school that is working to fight AIDS and Malaria in Africa. They do research and work with local hospitals to develop plans to educate/treat these problems. They help a hospital develop a plan to give out mosquito nets to mothers who have babies and teach them how to use them. And he is younger than me.

I was so impressed. And my husband said, awww it's your soulmate. Too bad you're already married. But seriously I was mad at myself for bitching about my three classes while he works 60 hours a week and saves babies in Africa in his spare time. So I told myself to suck it up for the rest of the quarter. And it lasted me all week. We'll see if I can maintain that throught next week.

FYI: The holidays are here. Do some Charitable Giving.
Doctors Without Borders
Global Physician Corp
Make A Wish
Leukemia & Lymphoma Society

Do You Have Teenagers?

Because those are the peoples I wanna hang out with. Most of my friends have kids smaller than mine and I totally like 'em and all....but I need some friends with teenagers. Even my sister has small kids. The whole thing with friends is that you sit around and talk about the stuff you do everyday. And all the girls havin babies talk about childbirth, Lamaze, epidurals and OB/GYNs. All the girls with toddlers talk about Gymboree, sippy cups, preschools, vaccines and potty training. And people with school age children sit around discussing homework, PTA memberships (or crazy PTA parents), teachers, API scores and how freakin smart their kids are. Okay maybe that's an oversimplification. I'm sure those people also talk about husbands, mortgages, paint colors and other stuff.

But that's not the point. I need some peoples with teenagers. Because, I don't know if you've noticed, but I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING. And I am raising people. Who will be adults one day very soon. While I personally think my teenage daughter and stepson ARE SO FREAKIN FUNNY, (they totally are) I have to also admit that I am constantly questioning my judgement. How do I teach them to be decent adult people who don't take drugs, get knocked up, or eat Twinkies? You know, the kind of people I like.

Like last night when my daughter made plans to meet some friends, eat dinner and go to the movies. Sounds good right? It goes downhill from there. First problem? She doesn't know the phone number of the friend whose house the dinner is at. Then, she doesn't know when the movie is. And I'm all, how do you expect me to let you leave the house with no plans. I know I could totally talk to the parents and get the info (because even though she is clueless, I am not), but I was just so annoyed that she didn't have any sort of plan. Still I was thinking maybe I'd still let her go. Then I found out the movie was at the El Capitan Theatre. At 9:45pm. And that is in L.A. And I was all, SERIOUSLY? You're just now mentioning that fact? And she was all, I didn't know the El Capitan was in L.A. Which is probably true, because my teenager doesn't know the names of the streets one block from her house. So nowadays we quiz her on street names whenever we are in the car. And she pretty much hates that. There was a whole lot more to the story that includes me giving her an oppurtunity to come with a plan and her staring at me like I was saying it in German. Was? Ich kanne nicht deustch sprachen. So I said she couldn't go, and next time she has to have a better plan. How can I trust her to be safe if she doesn't even know where she's going? I was feeling a little guilty but then she did the whole Fine! I'll just be antisocial! and stomped to her room.

Today she got up and hugged me randomly. I guess that means she forgave me for being a horrible ogre of a parent. But I was not comforted. I was thinking I might need a four year vacation to Europe. Or that remote from the movie Click, cuz this shit looks like it's starting to get harder. So if you have teenagers, I'm taking applications for Life coach spiritual advisor um, friends.

Meat and Sugar

If you live in L.A. County, you may have heard of Porto's, the reigning King of Cuban food. During the holiday season, patients love to bring nurses food. Candy, big tubs o' popcorn, cookies, donuts, etc. When patients would bring us pastries as a thank you, if they were from Porto's, they'd be gone in a second. At 4 am there was no leftovers, like the lonely nutty Sees candy pieces.

But eating at Porto's is a pain because it's ALL THE WAY in Glendale (or Burbank). And I am too lazy to drive out there. And then this place opened a year and a half ago in the San Gabriel Valley. And now you don't have to drive so far for a potato ball or strawberry empanada. But watch out, Cuban food is apparently not for the diet minded. I was meeting the girls for breakfast this week, and I ordered the oatmeal. Which I would recommend you skip, unless you like your oatmeal drowning in hot milk (and I do not). The menu for the vegetarian is limited to pastries and a non meat potato ball (with cheese). My husband likes the lunch sandwiches. They have managed to survive through this recession and..they make cakes!! My complaint, I hate all the to go style service. Styrofoam for coffee is not cool. However, the did tell me they were in the process of purchasing plates and mugs for eating in dining.

Merengue Bakery & Cafe
110 East Colorado Blvd. Monrovia, CA, 91016